Well, it's been 14 (almost 15) months, and Christian's nursing journey has changed so much. I remember, in the beginning, wondering if my child would ever go more than 10 minutes without nursing...and now I relish every moment he wants to be on the breast because he does it so infrequently.
At about 9 months he began REALLY eating solid foods...we found out quickly that pizza was manna from Heaven. At this point, nursing became more and more about comfort than actual nourishment. And I felt accomplished in "making it" nine months of giving him breastmilk exclusively. It was at this time that we decided to start mixing breastmilk with organic bovine milk. The Canadian Society of Pediatrics states that babies who have been exclusively breastfed are fine to start having cow's milk at 9 months of age, and the logic behind their recommendation made sense to us. Also, after nine months of pumping 40 hours a week, my supply had dropped off by about one feeding a day (3 oz).
Christian had no problems drinking bovine milk. Apparently, some babies struggle to drink dairy because of allergies...my kid was NOT one of them. And even though he liked cow's milk, he would still have rather nursed when we were together. Which was fine by me...
At about 11 months I stopped pumping as much at work. Since Christian was 8 weeks old, I had pumped 3-4 times a day at work. (This was NO SMALL TASK considering I work retail...I will always be proud of my efforts and success in this area.) I began pumping only 2 times a day to only 1 time a day to pumping no times a day. Many women express serious discomfort when discontinuing pumping at work, but I did it the best way...a little at a time...and I experienced almost no discomfort.
The only "discomfort" I did experience was the feeling of "I should be pumping right now...". Like there was something I needed to be doing and wasn't. It was strange. It was a relief to not have to tote my big ole' "milk bag" around, but at the same time it was a sad period for me. It was all so bittersweet. I remember crying to my trainer at the gym because I had started my period and I knew in my heart that Christian's "need" for breastmilk had waned.
At one year, Christian had a photo shoot for his first birthday. I decided to to do a nursing session since I wasn't sure how much longer he would actually be on the breast and I wanted to capture every moment.
I recently experienced sadness over the fact that I am producing almost no milk. I wondered if I was holding onto something selfishly...so I consulted two of my friends that are nursing their toddlers to see what they were experiencing. They confirmed that they, too, were producing little milk...that they could barely hear their nursling swallow anymore (a sound that any nursing mother comes to know and love). But more importantly, they confirmed that this was still "nursing"; that this was how toddlers nursed. It's almost like a "frees style" time in their nursing journey where it's touch and go, but where it is truly about love and closeness. I was instantly comforted by their feedback! I was thankful that we could keep on keeping on without it being about "production" and instead, being about whatever we wanted it to be. It's like the Golden Time. It's what we've worked so hard for...
Through all the sleepless nights, through all the fumblings in the middle of the night where mouth struggles to find breast, through all the worry about "is there enough?", or wondering if I would ever get my body back...now it is what it is...and it was all worth it.
I'm not ready to give up nursing my little boy. And he isn't ready either. We have something special that no one can touch or take away. It is my gift to him...his gift to me.
