Uncertain Times

I don't usually get political on my blog. In fact, I never do. However, after the decision made by the Supreme Court to uphold the personal mandate for health insurance, I have to use whatever outlet I can to communicate to my generation the severity and long term consequences that have, in fact, taken place today. Let me start off with a short personal story.

My husband was diagnosed with skin cancer several years ago. Thankfully, we have had the cancerous cells removed whenever a patch cropped up, and at the moment he is living cancer free. Praise the Lord.

But because my husband works for himself, his insurance went up over 100% when the insuance company found out about his diagnosis. He went from paying about $300 a month with a $1,000 deductible, to paying over $700 a month with the same deductible over night.

My husband has never failed to pay a bill...or even to pay a bill on time (except for this one time when he boycotted ATT). He is more than responsible and even helped me with my debt when I met him. He has never not had insurance. He takes care of himself. He paid out of pocket several thousand dollars to have his cancer removed in hopes the insurance company wouldn't up his premiums. Obviously, that didn't happen. (Insurance companies couldn't care less about upping your monthly output.) 

The main reason I went back to work after I had Christian, was to ensure my husband would have insurance coverage. With the possibility of more cancer showing up, we didn't want to chance his insurance company dropping him. Also, I didn't want to have to worry about my husband putting off important doctor's visits because of cost.

My point in sharing this personal story, is to express the fact that I understand how messed up our healthcare system is in this country. I know firsthand how unfair and overwhelming it can be to just stay healthy.

However, under Obama's healthcare law, we will be paying trillions of dollars to cover 30 million uninsured people's insurance. There is no way we can support this type of plan. Our country simply doesn't produce any amount of money anywhere close to what is necessary to enact this type of policy. And it sounds great, right? Healthcare for everyone. But when you have a system that is crumbling financially, you don't add to the decay.

I'm worried about Christian's future. What type of country will he be living in when this policy goes into full effect? What type of debt will be added to his tab that he nor his grandchildren or granchildren's children will ever be able to pay off?

Not to mention, the unrest that is taking place overseas is at a hightened level. People like Putin are sitting back and watching America destroy itself from the inside out. 

There are so many aspects of Obamacare that are a detriment to our country as it is. But providing healthcare to over 30 million people who supposedly can't afford it will break the American bank. We need a better option. And we need it now. If there was ever a time to be complacent or negligent, now is not that time. It is time to get informed. It is time to becomes involved. It is time to get your own house in order, because the times to come are uncertain. There is no security in more government and more government regulation. There is only security in self and God. See to your preparedness, for I predict hard times are upon us.

Nursing My Toddler

Well, it's been 14 (almost 15) months, and Christian's nursing journey has changed so much. I remember, in the beginning, wondering if my child would ever go more than 10 minutes without nursing...and now I relish every moment he wants to be on the breast because he does it so infrequently.

At about 9 months he began REALLY eating solid foods...we found out quickly that pizza was manna from Heaven. At this point, nursing became more and more about comfort than actual nourishment. And I felt accomplished in "making it" nine months of giving him breastmilk exclusively. It was at this time that we decided to start mixing breastmilk with organic bovine milk. The Canadian Society of Pediatrics states that babies who have been exclusively breastfed are fine to start having cow's milk at 9 months of age, and the logic behind their recommendation made sense to us. Also, after nine months of pumping 40 hours a week, my supply had dropped off by about one feeding a day (3 oz).

Christian had no problems drinking bovine milk. Apparently, some babies struggle to drink dairy because of allergies...my kid was NOT one of them. And even though he liked cow's milk, he would still have rather nursed when we were together. Which was fine by me...

At about 11 months I stopped pumping as much at work. Since Christian was 8 weeks old, I had pumped 3-4 times a day at work. (This was NO SMALL TASK considering I work retail...I will always be proud of my efforts and success in this area.) I began pumping only 2 times a day to only 1 time a day to pumping no times a day. Many women express serious discomfort when discontinuing pumping at work, but I did it the best way...a little at a time...and I experienced almost no discomfort.

The only "discomfort" I did experience was the feeling of "I should be pumping right now...". Like there was something I needed to be doing and wasn't. It was strange. It was a relief to not have to tote my big ole' "milk bag" around, but at the same time it was a sad period for me. It was all so bittersweet. I remember crying to my trainer at the gym because I had started my period and I knew in my heart that Christian's "need" for breastmilk had waned. 

At one year, Christian had a photo shoot for his first birthday. I decided to to do a nursing session since I wasn't sure how much longer he would actually be on the breast and I wanted to capture every moment.

My little nursling proved to be quite the ham as he cuddled with me and rolled around from breast to breast playfully...he nursed sweetly, showing off his favorite pastime. The pictures say it all...

At 14 months old, Christian continues to nurse at night and at nap times when we are together. He still loves "the boobies" and can point to them if you ask him where they are. At night he asks for them by pulling at my shirt and saying "that!". It is something that may sound strange to someone who has never nursed a child, but is a behavior that I will forever hold close to my heart. It even makes Ken smile to see Christian instantly soothed by the comfort of my breast.

I recently experienced sadness over the fact that I am producing almost no milk. I wondered if I was holding onto something selfishly...so I consulted two of my friends that are nursing their toddlers to see what they were experiencing. They confirmed that they, too, were producing little milk...that they could barely hear their nursling swallow anymore (a sound that any nursing mother comes to know and love). But more importantly, they confirmed that this was still "nursing"; that this was how toddlers nursed. It's almost like a "frees style" time in their nursing journey where it's touch and go, but where it is truly about love and closeness. I was instantly comforted by their feedback! I was thankful that we could keep on keeping on without it being about "production" and instead, being about whatever we wanted it to be. It's like the Golden Time. It's what we've worked so hard for...

Through all the sleepless nights, through all the fumblings in the middle of the night where mouth struggles to find breast, through all the worry about "is there enough?", or wondering if I would ever get my body back...now it is what it is...and it was all worth it.

I'm not ready to give up nursing my little boy. And he isn't ready either. We have something special that no one can touch or take away. It is my gift to him...his gift to me.

Happy Birthday, Christian

My Precious Child,

It's hard for me to write this. It's hard for me to imagine that my little bitty boy is a whole year old. Maybe it's selfish...but it's true.

My heart is heavy with the idea that you are growing...growing older, growing more independent, growing bigger, growing up. What will I do when I cannot hold you across my body and nurse you to sleep? What will I do when you don't need me to?

How can this ever get better? How can I love you more? These are the questions I ask myself as your special approaches. Because it's not just you who is growing...it's me, too.

You have changed the world just by existing. You have enhanced my life just by smiling at me. You have given me purpose by needing me. And you have made life so so much sweeter with those amazing kisses that you give unselfishly!

Dear God, I pray I can be a good Mommy to you every day for the rest of your life and mine. I pray that you will grow up to be a good man like your Daddy. He loves you as much as Mommy does. And I pray that you always know what so many people spend their entire lives trying to figure out; that you matter. And that you have forever changed an old heart that will forever be unworthy of your love.

Mommy loves you so much, Son. More than you can ever know. And if you can grow, so can my heart. And I will love you more and more with every passing day.

Happy Birthday, My Love. God bless you and keep you always by His side.

Love,
Mommy