Peaceful Thoughts and Dreams

Years from now, and not that many, I see my son playing with his trains and cars around the Christmas tree as Ken and I watch him in all his joy. I see the brightness in his eyes being enough to fill my heart...without presents, without things, without superficial clutter. This boy will be my hero with his genuine smile, his gracious spirit and his pure heart. He will be my reason. And Ken and I will look at one another with complete content, knowing we created the only redemption we ever needed. Because this child will not be just any child; he will be ours. And he might just save his mommy's soul. Three months seems too far away to have little Christian here. But he is always with me...moving, twisting, exploring, growing...reminding me that humanity is within my very being and that there is much hope to be had.

Do you remember Laura Bennett from Project Runway's third season? Well, if not, here's a picture of her with her children. While the program was being filmed she was pregnant, married to an older man (which you know I love), the mother of four rambunctious boys and one girl and also a finalist on the show. When she was sent home during the last few weeks to complete her final line for the runway, Tim, the show's moderator, visited her "humble" abode in Manhattan. And this image, this snippit from the show, has stayed fresh in my mind now for several years. It is an idea that Ken and I often speak of because it is exactly how we see our son:
Tim walks in the house and is bombarded with excited little boys eager to have the attention of a visitor (you know, visitors are very exciting for children!). A couple of the little boys are running around trying to find the family pet (a turtle) who is M.I.A.somewhere within the house (Tim is obviously a little unnerved by this fact), and another little boy (a toddler) is running up to Tim, hiney out of his pants, with a handful of turtle poop to show him (at this point, Tim is looking for the exit). Neither of the parents are overly concerned with the situation. After all, what can you expect? Boys will be boys.

This image, this little moment from an otherwise pointless program, has been the way I see my son. Ass out of his pants, running around trying to find a wayward turtle loose in the house and more than a little excited about turtle droppings discovered along the way (surprise!).

My son will be whatever he wants to be. He will do what amplifys his strengths. He will undoubtedly mess up along the way and even grow weary of my advice. But first and foremost, he will be my son; my troublesome, dirty, quirky (because let's face it, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...), cuddly, squirmy little boy.

Having these ideas of what Christian will be like, I discovered a song that will now, forever and always be his song. For those of you who have little boys, I can't think of a more appropriate Christmas tune. Listen and enjoy! Ken and I wish you the best Christmas that money can't buy...may you be blessed with peace and mercy.
Christian's Christmas Song

7 months...Third trimester, here I come! And look, Remmy's in the picture! (As usual...)