Embrace The Horror That Is The Last Month Of Pregnancy

Alright...ok...so maybe the title is a little dramatic. BUT! It has a good story to it that kind of sums up the past month or so...here goes: I'm looking in the mirror while wearing a new striped t-shirt I bought for myself the day before at Old Navy. It's navy blue and white and I matched a yellow cami underneath. Sounds cute, right? Yeah. Sure it does...if you're 65 and just stepped out of BonWorth! (No offense to those of you that are 65 and shop at BonWorth...it's a great store, I'm sure.) So, I immediately start crying. Ken looks at me and says, "You look so cute! What are you crying for?!?!" and I say (through tears and a puckered face), "You can't 'dress this up'! (referring to myself) You can't 'make it look good' or 'decorate it'! I look so frumpy!" Ken replies without hesitation, "Well, darling, it's time for you to embrace the horror." And I swear to you, a light bulb turned on in my head. It did! I got it! Finally!

After 9 damn months of loathing my body...I finally get what pregnancy is all about. It's about accepting the fact that you're gonna be uncomfortable, you won't be able to do most anything you were once very capable of, you'll probably gain more weight than you planned on and you'll leak like a sieve from every orifice! Bam. There it is. And I'm just gonna say this for the record...IF (and that is a big IF) I ever decided to do this again (which I probably WILL NOT...omg, I can't believe I'm even pondering the thought!), I will read this blog and remember that through all the pain, agony, personal dramatics, scale-breaking weight gain and complaining...it's about "embracing the horror". (Side Note:Sometimes my husband has a way with words that makes everything make sense. He's the only one who can talk to me in such a way that I am unguarded by even the most insensitive truths. And there's only one answer to the reason why he's able to be this person for me...it's because he truly loves me and wants the best for me. He is interested in my growth and personal development. He doesn't have ulterior motives...his true motivation is my well being. Thank God for him...I'm not sure another soul could reach me or speak to my heart the way he does...Ok, I digress...but hey! Sometimes you gotta give credit where credit is due...)

So, after Ken broke it down for me in black and white, things got a lot better. Pain was relative. Yeah, my feet hurt...they feel like broken clay pots...but I'm friggin' 9 months pregnant and I'm still working! GO ME! On the bright side, they have only swollen ONCE since I have been pregnant. Once! That's like a miracle! Here's my pic to prove it...

I'm not gonna lie. I got pretty excited about my swollen feet because it means I am nearing the END of this journey! I totally put this picture on Facebook, sent it via SMS to my co-workers, step-mom and mother.Yeah, you could say I was a little excited. 

Another piece of good news is that my belly has dropped! (Honestly, I am surprised it doesn't hit the damn floor...) A lot of my friends (who either are, or have never been pregnant) want to know what "dropping" means/looks like. Now, I am here to say that I am no expert. Ken noticed that I had dropped before I noticed it...but, dropping is basically the baby's head settling into your pelvis for the bumpy ride that could be anywhere from 2-4 weeks away (it could be longer than that in theory as everyone is different or even shorter..). "Dropping" means less to NO HEARTBURN! (which was my biggest clue because a couple of days ago I was getting heartburn from friggin' bananas that was strong enough to make me want to throw up) and the ability to finish meals because your guts have more room (and yes, that is the scientific terminology..."guts"). If you need a visual aid, let me be your guide...

This was me at my baby shower three days before I hit 35 weeks. See how my belly is high and there is not any room between the top of my belly and my breasts? Now watch this!...

Pretty crazy huh? This is almost exactly a week later! I was sitting at dinner on Sunday night (I left work early because my feet were in a lot of pain and I couldn't walk...), and I felt this heaviness sink into the bottom of my uterus like never before. It was noticeable enough that I had to stand and bend over to alleviate the pressure. I didn't understand what it was at the time, but looking at it now, I really think the baby's head was dropping down into my pelvis. That night I read about what "dropping" was and noted the fact that my heartburn had all but vanished over the past 3 days or so. When I got to work the next day, my associate (who is also pregnant) looked at me and said, "Whoa! Your belly has dropped!". I hadn't seen her for about 4 days...so it was a  drastic and obvious thing for her to take note of.

I also went to the doctor at 35 and a half weeks and was measured at 38 centimeters. While it's not a fact that the baby will come earlier because he is measuring about 3 centimeters big, it is true that he grew 3 centimeters in one week. I mean, I have all these signs that he's coming! And as of today I have only 28 days till my official due date.

A lot of women start having their private areas examined for dilation at 36 weeks. I suppose they want to know if they are a centimeter dilated or 2 or whatever...but I am having so much fun guessing when this baby is going to come that I don't want a doctor telling me how dilated I am. My body will know when the baby is ready to be born. Everything is working and functioning properly and I don't need anyone poking around in my girly-place trying to figure it out!

I have also decided on a date when I will discontinue working or "go out" as we say it in my little world of retail. I decided that if I make it till the18th, that that will be my last day. Not one person has said that they think I will go longer than my due date...my personal bet was on the 19th of March (which would be my first official "day out"). I think my body will finally relax and do its' thing. But, I could be wrong since I've got bets on the 4th (a little hopeful, Marcella! But she's excited...), the 9th, the 11th, the 14th and the 19th. If you wanna get in on this, feel free! The winner gets...well...to be the winner! (Pretty great prize, huh?)

As we go into the last month of pregnancy, I am refusing to pack any hospital bags until I go into labor...I am tempting the fates, you see. Teasing them, if you will, by doing the exact opposite of what I am supposed to do (which is have my bags packed at 30 weeks like most first-time moms). Also, I am waiting for this whole nesting thing to happen. I can count on one hand how many times I've cleaned my house since I've been pregnant. Seriously, I probably don't even need a whole hand...So as soon as that nesting thing hits, we'll know I'm going to have the baby soon! (Just wondering...I was thinking of calling a maid service to come a do a deep clean of the house a couple of weeks out. Does that count as nesting? I mean, the urge to prepare for your child is what nesting is all about...why does it matter who does the "actual preparing"? Just sayin'...)

Now for the traditional "gory-'EW! I'm never getting pregnant'-story"? Sure, why not!?!? Ken and I are standing outside together, ready to take the dog for a walk when I reach down and feel the crotch of my pants:
me: "Ken! My pants are wet! I think my water broke!" Ken: "I don't think so, darling. You would know if your water broke." me: "Yeah. I think you're right. I think I just peed myself..." Ken: (shakes head)

Alright, kids! Now go have yourself an awesome week! Catch ya on the flip side...

Christian's Pre-Birthday Bash: THE PREQUEL!

So, I wanted to get the pics up of the shower since that's what most of my friends and family wanted to see. But the day before the big day was pretty darn special, and I'd be slighting some people if I didn't tell the story. 

Friday, February 11th was the day before my weekend off...therefore, it's like a holiday unto its own. When you work retail you are granted one weekend off per month. That's it. Don't ask for more. You won't get it. Right? And typically on the Friday before my weekend off, I spend a good bit of time preparing my team for my absence. This is involves getting numbers configured, setting up a game plan and a contingency plan if something bizarre should happen such as a herd of wild zebras trampling your store (believe me, that scenario is probably closer to the truth than you might imagine!).But this particular Friday was a little different for a couple of reasons.

My assistant manager informed me that she would be coming to the store on Friday (her day off) to say goodbye to our old district manager (who was taking me to lunch that very same day). I am big on work/life balance, and I really don't want my managers in the store on their days off. It's so important to take your time away from work and enjoy it. I don't expect to be at work when I'm not scheduled and I certainly don't expect my managers to either (an important lesson learned from experience...). So, I gave M (as I lovingly call her) a lot of push back about coming to the store when she should otherwise be at home with her 3 crazy dogs. Well, she insisted on coming to work anyhow.

Soooooo, my old DM came along with my new DM for a lunch touchbase (and yeah, we use this type of lingo everyday. It makes us sound so much more important than we really are...). M was there at the same time and told me that she'd wait for us to get back to say goodbye to Stan. (I really thought I was being fired and he wanted her there to cover the rest of my shift...ok, well maybe not, but I couldn't figure out why in the heck she wanted to wait around for us!) 

Well, two hours later, we walked back into the store -and yeah, you're probably much more perceptive than I was- because in the backroom was a baby shower set up and ready to go! I couldn't believe it. I was floored. I tell my people not to do nice things for me. It's not expected and I would rather them keep their money. Sometimes it's enough to know that they want to do something nice for you...you know? My girls had already approached me about a baby shower and I quickly (and forcefully) said "No. Absolutely not." (I'm such a poop, I know.) But they did it anyways, and here are the picture to prove it.

Margeaux (my mini-me...and I do mean mini), Caroyln (my glamorous A&F model who is really too sweet to be a model) and Big Mama. Oh, and they made me cry, btw...TOTALLY inexcusable and SO embarrassing. Crying at work is so not cool. Lucky for me, I have the sweetest managers in the world and they give the best hugs.

Christian's Goodies...I love the way my team talks about him like he is already here, too. They'll say things like, "Does Christian want a cookie?" or "Christian is going to be just like that little 'such-and-such' over there hiding under the tables..." (they have quite the sense of humor). They gave Christian his first box of diapers, his first piggy bank and his first bathtub play toy...along with tons of other goodies.

Margeaux and Carolyn are quite the little bakers, and constantly insist on one-upping me by bringing in their home baked concoctions (this particular day consisted of a white chocolate cheesecake and made-from-scratch cupcakes with made-from-scratch frosting that matched the colors of the decor). (Me? I'm more likely to buy the team a box of Little Debbie's to show my appreciation.) Margeaux also made me a diaper cake! Isn't it beautiful?! It's not easy to put one of these together just so you know. And I smelled my first diaper...omg. I LOVE the smell of diapers. They smell soooo good! Apparently everyone else has smelled diapers before, but I was so enthused about their aroma that I asked almost everyone (throughout the entire weekend) if they had ever smelled diapers before. (Mostly, I got strange looks and a lot of shaking heads...but seriously! They smell so good. I'm just sayin'.)

So after all that excitement, I ducked out of work (later than I expected...'cause you know, maybe I was planning on leaving a little early?) to hurry over to my mom's house for some leg waxing and girls-night-outting before the shower the next day. Mom and I decided that by the time I got to her house it would be too late to get my legs waxed, so she volunteered to shave them for me. (Isn't that like, the sweetest thing your mom could do? Seriously, it was pretty cute.) And instead of going out for dinner, we opted for staying home and eating some barbecue take-out. We had a great time eating, playing cards and chatting. It's times like those that make me wish I lived closer to her. 

Mom and Deanna decided that it would be smarter for me to open their gifts for Christian before the shower so that we didn't have to haul everything around twice. So, we had a special night...me, mom, Deanna and Stacy...opening gifts, talking and laughing.

Christian's first sippy cup from Grandma. It's too precious.

Outfits from Deanna...you know my little monkey has to have monkeys on his clothes!

Opening presents for someone else has never been so much fun!

Easter outfit!

OMG. Are you serious? Look at these shoes...they are too cute. How can you stand it!?!?!

I got a little emotional. I mean, having everyone so excited for you during such a special time in your life is really touching. Sometimes I'm just not sure how my heart will hold all the love I already have for my son. I'm afraid it will break in two...there's just no way to love someone this way, this much.

Christian's "coming home" outfit from Grandma...it has little bi-planes all over it and is so precious. (Yes. I cried when I opened this, too...what can I say? It was a very emotional day!)

Christian's first Easter outfit from Grandma...the shoes? The hat? Too cute for words...

Christian's second Easter outfit from Grandma...how does this kid already have TWO Easter outfits and he's not even born yet!?!?! (lucky)

Special shower cake that Grandma had especially made for the special day. It matched his room decor which matched his shower decor...we Emerine women like to match things. A lot. Probably too much. Yeah.

What an amazing couple of days I had! I am so lucky and so blessed. I hate using that cliche, but it's true. Sometimes it's through the love of others for you that truly makes you understand how special you are...that you're not just a cog in the wheel...that you're a special person who is loved dearly.

Christian's Pre-Birthday Bash

Christian is one lucky kid. I mean, he didn't even have to show up for his party and he still got a TON of goodies! Even more surprising than that, is that I had way too much fun opening his presents. I mean, who really thinks of opening someone else's presents as "a good time"? (I'm such an only child...can't you tell?)

Mrs.Fagan (one of my mom's best friends) announced that she would be throwing me a baby shower when she found out I was pregnant. You know how you know  those people who make Martha Stewart or Paula Dean look like schmucks? Well, Mrs.Fagan is one of those people. Everything she cooks or bakes tastes like something pulled down straight outta' heaven. If you give her a rock, she'll fashion you a quilt or something. She is an amazing homemaker, crafter and so much more. So when she insisted on throwing me a shower, how could I refuse? Not to mention, I have known Mrs.Fagan since I was 4 years old and she has watched me grow up, get married and now, get knocked up!  Mrs.Fagan also enlisted the help from a good friend of hers, Mrs.Ferguson (who has also known me since I was a kid and has watched me grow up).

Here are some pics from the shower. I have really hesitated to post these because I look HUGE. I swear I don't look this big in real life (and I am my own worst critic). But it's all about the moment. It's all about the amazing day and not so much about my big ass. You know? I'm just keepin' it real... 

Newborn Diapers...his first ones!

WIPES! Apparently you need lots of these...

Jessie is explaining what "gripe water" is...you can tell I have NO clue. I should have been taking notes.

Everyone's gotta have a carrier...Ken is so excited to "wear" our child.

Someone didn't get the "it's a boy" memo. That's ok. It's actually pretty funny.

Christian's play ummm...thing? Is that the name? Anyways, it is SO cool...

Stacy, my AMAZING note taker!

The present from my 7th grade teacher who I love dearly!

First present! The good ole' "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's" onesie...

Aunt Nanette's gift...

Cute outfits!

Mrs.Fagan, Me, Grandma (Mom), Mrs.Ferguson

Aunt Sara, Aunt Chelsey and Big Mama

Reading the first card

The final result of Christian's good fortune!

Aunt Stacy's gift...complete with an outfit bearing an animal on the bum! Who doesn't love an animal pic on the bum!?!?!

Me explaining to everyone that half my registry was "copied" from my friend Katie's registry...so when she got me something that came from her registry I was super excited! Thanks for all the great ideas Katie!

A game where the only pre-requisite is that you have NO qualms about being embarrassed out of your mind. THANK YOU KATIE AND RONNIE FOR NOT GUESSING MY WAIST SIZE TO BE 150 INCHES!

My pretties! Aunt: Julie, Nanette, Stacy...ain't it great to have skinny friends? They'll be great motivation after Christian is born to get back in shape ASAP!

Marta and Anna Maria (my flower girl)...very special friends

Is there a reason we're taking pregnant lady pics in front of the food? Are you trying to say something? Huh???

"all natural" wipes from Aunt Chelsey along with some petroleum jelly for Christian's little schmeckel. It is very important that we all note that the wipes are "all natural"...right Chelsey?

Aunt Ronnie got Christian a musical giraffe and we discovered that both of us had the same musical turtles growing up as kids! Therefore, Christian must have the musical giraffe!

Sasquatch shirt from Aunt Sara. (def. Ken's favorite...and one of mine!)

Useful contraptions from Aunt Emily (who wasn't able to be there but was still sweet enough to send a present!)...I loved all the tried and tested gifts from my fellow mommies!

Sara, Chelsey and Big Mama

My Pretties: Julie, Sara, Veronnica, Stephanie with Ms.Lily, Me, Katie (who is also expecting!) and Stacy

Aunt: Katie, Stephanie and Veronnica