By 37 Weeks All The Catchy Titles Have Run Out (wait, that was kind of catchy...)

37 Weeks

Alright alright already...I know you're wondering why in the heck I haven't popped this kid out by now. I'm wondering the same thing seeing as he is 6 pounds 13 ounces! Can you imagine the size of this kid? If he gains a half a pound a week for the next 3 weeks he will be over well over 8 pounds. If I go a week late, he'll be almost 9 pounds! Let's remember that these are just "averages". He could gain more, he could gain less, but on average (and we know there ain't nothin' average about my kid!) babies gain a half a pound a week until about 40 weeks.

What is really interesting is that if your baby is really late...which most babies aren't really "late" even if you go a week or two past your due date...their growing slows down drastically. So if you go two weeks over your due date, chances are you will not have a ginormous baby because you went past your due date. If you have a ginormous baby, it's because you were destined to have a little porker (which seems my predicament).

I actually saw the high risk doctor today even though I am not technically considered high risk. She did an ultrasound of Christian and they found that I have, and I quote, "too much amniotic fluid". Yeah. Who woulda thought? You can have "too much amniotic fluid". There are three reasons for having too much amniotic fluid: 1)The baby has a neurological problem in which he is not swallowing or recycling enough fluid. The doctor said that this is not the case (thank, God!) because this would have been an existing problem and by now I would be literally be "huge" from all the extra fluid.
2)I have diabetes. Which we KNOW I don't have because, Hey! Lucky me!, I got to sit through TWO of those lovely tests and the final result came back negative.
3)You could have too much amniotic fluid because...drum roll please...you have a big baby! DING DING DING DING DING! We HAVE a winner.

Sooo, what does having too much amniotic fluid mean for the baby? Well, they had to check his heart and respiratory system and whatdoyaknow? He was already in the process of taking his little practice breaths! Since babies don't really "breathe" in the womb, they have to take practice breaths to kind of train their lungs before their big debut. It looks like a little accordion folding in and out really fast. It was so precious to watch and a great relief to see because that tells us that EVERYTHING IS FINE WITH THE BABY! However,because I have too much fluid I will have to go back to the high risk doctor once more...which is fine with me because I get to see my little prince once again! When my mom and I now go to the high risk doctor we act like little kids getting to see their best friend after what seems like forever. We are so excited for the ultrasound because it means we get to "visit" with our favorite little boy! (Kind of sheds a new and positive light on being "high risk", don't you think?)

The other thing that I got to see (and Grandma got to see it, too) was what his incessant hiccups look like! Christian, on average, has the hiccups 3-4, even 5 times a day. It's the best way for other people to get to feel him move because he's as predictable as Old Faithful. The ultrasound technician told me that healthy babies hiccup, whereas babies who aren't as healthy don't. This means that Christian is going to be a friggin' gladiator due to his multiple daily bouts with the hiccups.

One other thing that the ultrasound tech noticed was something over his kidney. (Ummm...yeah. Way to freak a pregnant lady out, Ms.Technician...) The doctor said it looked like his adrenal gland and the tech said that she had never seen one so "prominent" and asked if it was "normal". (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?) The doctor said that it looked fine. Phew!

This whoooooole visit goes to prove my point (and the point of many others) about prenatal medicine. Prenatal medicine definitely embodies what defensive medicine is all about. The doctors are looking for problems in many cases, and finding them where they may be little to no risk at all. Why? Well, as my mother so eloquently said, "They are covering their own ass" (Thanks for that one, Mom! And I totally got a free cuss word in because my mom had a momentary potty-mouth lapse!).

The doctor wouldn't think twice about sending me right over to the hospital for a quick delivery. All a doctor has to do is use the phrase "the baby may be in distress" and any mom who is worth her weight in drier lint will say, "Do whatever you have to do". All non-intrusive options go right out of the window and BAM! there you are being induced, drugged up and eventually c-sectioned (because let's face it, once you are induced, that baby is gonna come out one way or another whether it's ready or not). I'm so glad that I have a doula to help me weigh the situation out carefully, discuss my options and help me through whatever choice I make.

Sooooo, that was my 37 week checkup. Again, I have opted not to be checked vaginally. There's still no real reason to have someone pokin' around down there. We know he's not breached, we know he doesn't have the cord wrapped around his neck and we know his little head is pointing towards the exit sign!

Alright! It's that time once again! Here's the latest and greatest "OMG! If that's what it is to be pregnant I'd rather adopt!" story of the week...
Scenario: My mom and I are in the fitting room at Macy's and I am trying on a pair of cargo pants that turn into capris (pretty handy, eh?). Thank goodness for the bright florescent lighting (alert! alert! sarcasm! sarcasm!) because otherwise I wouldn't have noticed the degree to which my lower body has turned into a haven for any and all cellulite to congregate in the metro area!!!!!...and I also wouldn't have noticed the inside of my belly button. For those of us with an innie belly button, we never really get to see what is inside of it. Well, let me tell you what is inside of it...are you ready? Because if you were expecting a jewel to pop outta there like a troll doll, I have some rather deflating news. What is really inside your belly button is...lint. Lint from like, all the shirts you have ever worn ever in your entire life. Here's what the convo actually sounded like to the people in the neighboring fitting room:

Me: "HOLY CRAP, MOM! LOOK AT MY BELLY BUTTON! YOU CAN SEE THE INSIDE OF IT! Ew...what's all that stuff in it? OH MY GOSH! WHAT'S ALL THAT STUFF IN MY BELLY BUTTON!?!?! GROOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSS! Hey, Mom, do you want to see the inside of my belly button?"
Mom: "Um, nope."
Me: "Come on!!! You know you want to see it! When are you ever gonna get to see the inside of a belly button ever again!?!?"
(Mom reluctantly looks at my belly button so I will shut up)
Me: "I really think that people should know what builds up in their belly buttons and that they should wash them out..." (Side note: doesn't that sound like an appropriate platform for a Ms. America pageant???)
Mom: "That's pretty much what people do already, honey."
Me: "Ohhhhhh."
So there it is! If you're not actively washing out your belly button, DON'T DELAY! START TODAY!

Anywho, my next appointment is on the 7th with the high risk doctor. And then that night we meet at the house with my doula to create Christian's birth plan! Exciting stuff ahead! Stay Tuned!